Before I even moved to the city, I was afraid of losing my best friends. More than how my internship would go, or if I would make new friends here, or if I would be totally broke, my biggest worry of all was that my friends and I would find that we were in a battle against distance, life, and time, and they had won.
Maybe I really am a lone wolf, I thought. I pride myself in being independent, and I am an only child who loves being alone, but a life without friends is quite a lonely life. Is this what I’m destined for? It seems unsettling to me at the very least. Maybe I’m not suited for life-long friends like everybody else has. After all, I’d done a decent job of dumping former friends in the past. But that was because we had nothing in common, we were only best friends because of our situation, I told myself. We didn’t have that connection it takes to be lifelong friends, to catch up after months and have it be like nothing ever happened. You’re find, and there is no need to worry. But still, I did.
I was afraid that I would go to the city and my friends would forget about me. It wasn’t in their character, and I knew deep down they wouldn’t, but you can’t help but think these things when you’re about to make a huge life change. Everything in my life was about to be flipped upside down, and for the first time in a long time, I was going in alone. I didn’t have my roommate to go with me, like she’d offered to do with virtually anything else. I didn’t have my best friends, two of the people I’ve counted on being there for me no matter what for the past three years. I had them, but I didn’t. I was scared.
Change has become easier and easier for me to handle. Most people see it as this big, scary monster, but I usually enjoy change. I was both thrilled and terrified for this change, but I knew I had to do it, and I wanted to do it, but wanting to do it instead of being forced to doesn’t make it any easier. In fact, in some ways, it can be harder. If you’re forced to move, there is nothing you can do about it. If you leave on your own, you begin to question everything. Am I letting my friends down? Am I prioritizing my life over my friendships? Am I doing the right thing? Things would never be the same, I thought to myself as my roommates and I cracked a joke, stuffing some sort of food in our faces, laughing on one of our beds. We will never have this again, ever. It will never be the three of us living here, and that is all our friendship has known. What happens now? Do we distance? Does it stay the same? Am I doing the right thing?
After long talks with one of my littles, Magally, and my roommates, they helped me realize that even though it was hard, it would happen eventually, and my opportunity was now. This was my one shot, and I had to take it, no matter how hard it would be to leave, and per usual, they were right. So, about a week later, my best friends took me to the airport and watched me leave. It was one of the saddest mornings of my life, and they cried, and I was frustrated with myself because I couldn’t cry, but then I bawled as soon as I said goodbye. But it was also one of the most thrilling mornings of my life, because once I got on the plane, I realized a whole new chapter in my life was beginning. So, I took my shot and I ran with it.
I’ve been in the city for over a month now. I’ve made incredible friends here, whom I go to dinner with and go out with and meet for brunch, and they are so great. But, I still talk to my friends from home, I still talk to my best friends. There are friends that I talk to every single day, like my two best friends, where I don’t even think about it. If something funny happens, I tell them. If something bad happens, I tell them. I don’t even think about it. If I don’t talk to my suitemate that day, and then we still haven’t talked the next, I have reason to be concerned that she is dead in a ditch somewhere. Then, there are the friends I talk to once or twice a week, and the friends I talk to once or twice a month, but regardless, as different as they all feel, they don’t feel different at all. Our connection is still there, I still laugh until I cry at the photos we send in our old suite chat, it doesn’t feel different, even though it is. My two best friends are visiting at the end of this week, and I’m going back to visit next week, and I couldn’t be more excited. I already know it is going to be like I never even left, and to know that you have that connection with somebody and that it isn’t going anywhere is one of the best feelings.
Change is scary. We all have a fear of the unknown, a fear of what might be next, a fear of growing up and growing out of friendships and relationships. But always remember one thing, no matter who you are, where you are, how old you are, and how many miles may separate you: the friends who are meant to be in your life will be. If you two or three or however many want to maintain the friendship, you will, and it won’t feel like work, it will feel like second-nature because they mean that much to you and you love them. Change is okay, and knowing that you’ll never have to truly experience them alone, even if 1,029 miles stands between you guys, makes it even easier.
So, to conclude in the wise words of Carrie Bradshaw herself, I leave you with this:
“After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart… and if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away”